ghostbuster82 (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} ghostbuster82) wrote,@ 2005-12-08 02:57:00 |
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Let's See If I Remember How To Do One of These Things (a lesson on girls)
It's 2:15 in the morning and I am sitting here in front my slightly insane computer with the Dead Kennedys on my discman and I'm not tired because I slept in until 1 in the afternoon today, a fact that should be balanced against the knowledge that I did fall asleep at about 6:30 this morning, this morning being yesterday morning or something like that. Last night and by last night I mean Tuesday night, was Jason's birthday, an event that ended with people asking for my advice on women, however they can be forgiven for that because the people in question were under the influence of a hell of a lot of beer. My luck with women is beyond terrible and thus I might actually be a good person to ask for advice on the subject since based on my personal experiences I can tell them what not to do:
Lesson One: Never confess your feelings for a girl while you're on a whale watching tour on the Atlantic. Now I know what you're thinking "Hey Bernard that's a great place for a guy with the last name of Dawson to hit on a cute girl, it worked in Titanic" but that guy died in end as did my hopes of a relationship when she got sea sick. True story, you think that I could make stuff like that up?
Lesson Two: Pass this one on to all those high school kids out there. You know that skinny, awkward 15 year old girl you strike up a friendship with in class? Ask her out. Trust Me. Before she hits 17 she'll be wicked hot. So if you'll have a great looking g/f who you got together with for all the right reasons (well unless you take my advice then you'll be dating her in the hope that she turns into a prom queen). This happened back in high school. I wish that I had grown some balls and asked her out. Funny side note: A friend of mine who used to make fun of me for liking her and called her a "boy" later asked her out and got shot down.
Lesson Three: Wine. Learn to drink it. Always have a bottle of it at your place.
Lesson Four: Don't overlook her bad points simply because she is a bikini model who was once featured on an episode of Springer about girls with sex addictions. Have some bloody damn self respect for yourself, just because you're a male doesn't mean you have to act like a reject from a bad teen sex comedy.
Lesson Five: If she hates the following films then your relationship is doomed: Sin City, Pulp Fiction, Animal House, Rounders, Fight Club, The Big Lebowski, Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, The Wild Bunch, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Boondock Saints. Those are all "guy" movies and chances are that if she hates all of them then she's going to make sure every movie night you share together will consist on you watching lame romantic comedy after lame romantic comedy. Shudder.
It's 2:15 in the morning and I am sitting here in front my slightly insane computer with the Dead Kennedys on my discman and I'm not tired because I slept in until 1 in the afternoon today, a fact that should be balanced against the knowledge that I did fall asleep at about 6:30 this morning, this morning being yesterday morning or something like that. Last night and by last night I mean Tuesday night, was Jason's birthday, an event that ended with people asking for my advice on women, however they can be forgiven for that because the people in question were under the influence of a hell of a lot of beer. My luck with women is beyond terrible and thus I might actually be a good person to ask for advice on the subject since based on my personal experiences I can tell them what not to do:
Lesson One: Never confess your feelings for a girl while you're on a whale watching tour on the Atlantic. Now I know what you're thinking "Hey Bernard that's a great place for a guy with the last name of Dawson to hit on a cute girl, it worked in Titanic" but that guy died in end as did my hopes of a relationship when she got sea sick. True story, you think that I could make stuff like that up?
Lesson Two: Pass this one on to all those high school kids out there. You know that skinny, awkward 15 year old girl you strike up a friendship with in class? Ask her out. Trust Me. Before she hits 17 she'll be wicked hot. So if you'll have a great looking g/f who you got together with for all the right reasons (well unless you take my advice then you'll be dating her in the hope that she turns into a prom queen). This happened back in high school. I wish that I had grown some balls and asked her out. Funny side note: A friend of mine who used to make fun of me for liking her and called her a "boy" later asked her out and got shot down.
Lesson Three: Wine. Learn to drink it. Always have a bottle of it at your place.
Lesson Four: Don't overlook her bad points simply because she is a bikini model who was once featured on an episode of Springer about girls with sex addictions. Have some bloody damn self respect for yourself, just because you're a male doesn't mean you have to act like a reject from a bad teen sex comedy.
Lesson Five: If she hates the following films then your relationship is doomed: Sin City, Pulp Fiction, Animal House, Rounders, Fight Club, The Big Lebowski, Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, The Wild Bunch, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Boondock Saints. Those are all "guy" movies and chances are that if she hates all of them then she's going to make sure every movie night you share together will consist on you watching lame romantic comedy after lame romantic comedy. Shudder.
