Free Bird

I want to have an 80's movie marathon sometime during Frosh week. What do you say? A bunch of us get together pool our DVD collections and watch 5 or 6 of the greatest movies from the greatest decade.

I'm in a weird, half depressed, half happy New Wave mood right now. It's a tough feeling to express on something such as a blog. Think of it this way: I am feeling really reflective for some reason. I'm listening to New Wave music, sitting alone in my room and wondering where everyone is. And just when I start feeling down, 99 Luft Balloons comes on and come on how can you feel sad while listening to that song.

I am starting to believe that life is a joke and that I'm the only person who gets it. Sometimes I just want to laugh at people. You know what I mean: the drunk person who hates getting hammered and throwing up all over themselves, the person who complains about never meeting a good member of opposite sex to a good member of the opposite sex. The jackass who screams at bus drivers and then wonders why they never stop for him/her anymore. Observing the people around you is much more entertaining than TV.

I now realize why I never have a chance with any girl I'm ever interested in. I'm too sensitive and artsy for club hoping girls and too macho and non-artsy for the poet loving girls. I write poetry but my stuff is based in emotion for the "cultured" girls and the "club" girls would never be seen with a guy who admitted to writing poetry. I really don't fit in anywhere. In every social group I've ever been in I've always been the "expendable" one, the guy you could ditch.

If you like view of me stop reading here. I'm serious if agree completely with what I just said about myself about being the worthless ok-to-ditch guy STOP reading.


















Ok if you're still reading then maybe you understand something about me. What I'm about to say may shock you but hell what are blogs for?

A number of friends keep telling me that I need to be more confident. I am shocked that they haven't seen the real me yet. See the reason I don't appear outwardly confident is simple: In our society confidence is defined by knowing your place in a certain social atmostphere. You're confident because people think you're good looking, smart, charming or any number of things. But in the end you're confident because someone thinks something of you.

I am confident in my own way, mainly at the end of the line I like myself. When ever I've been rejected by girls I've always been able to get over that depressed first feeling by realizing that I am still a great guy. While being rejected for a guy who turned out to be mentally fucked is a bit of a blow to the ego, I didn't make the decision. The girl in question pick him over me and a less than two months later she was asking for my advice because she felt he was stalking her. I gave it.

I'm an honest guy who treats girls right. Most people either like me as a person or hate me and I'm sure that both camps are pretty crowded. I'm not the greatest person in the world but at the end of the day I generally like who I am. It's like my philosophy during the election.... love me or hate me, you know what you're getting with me and if you decide to reject me, be it as a friend, colleague, lover or politician then that's your choice.

And I'm always shocked by the number of people who believe the mocking things I saw about myself..... Come on if you can't make fun of yourself you don't have much of a sense of humour :P .