Forlorn Hope

Books and I

2007-01-08T05:50:39Z

When you're wreck dealing with depression and taking a year away from school you tend to have a lot of time on your hands. Well except for the summer months that I spent working at the TTC and playing golf with my dad about once a week, but then again I did a lot of reading at work since my job had a lot of down time so I guess you can say that I spent most of my year reading, which is a pretty good way to spend your free time, well if you're not in a relationship or hate books or other wise has a life, and yes I understand that this one massive run on sentence but if want to read someone with shorter sentences and who gets to the point quickly I must advise you to read Hemingway.

Well what I am trying to say is that I had the chance to read a lot of books this year. A lot of books from all different genres (fiction, non-fiction, paranormal, sport, culture...). So I've decided to list the top five books that I read this past year, so here it goes:

5. "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" by Chuck Klosterman
I've been sitting here for about ten minutes trying to come up with a way to describe this pop culture masterpiece (well in my opinion it's great) and I just can't seem to think of any words that can be used to convey just how much this book interested me. So I'll just mention that it contains a chapter on the cultural impact of Saved by the Bell. Serious. Saved by the bloody Bell.

4. "The Big Nowhere" by James Ellroy
Part two of Ellroy's "LA Quartet", it lacks attention give to two of it's brother books, "The Black Dahlia" and "L.A. Confidential" but having read all four of the novels I have to say that "The Big Nowhere" is my personal favorite. The novel paints a true to life picture of LA in the early 50's from corrupt LAPD cops to Hollywood "reds" to everyday slang of the period. It's an underrated novel that explores the glamour and the dirt of a period that is often glorified.

3. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bronx is Burning: 1977, Baseball, Politics, and the Battle for the Soul of a City" by Jonathan Mahler
A non-fiction book that is a lot like Spike Lee's "Summer of Sam" only it's good and doesn't feature John Leguizamo. A must read for anyone considering spending time in New York City.

2. "Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh
Yeah it is written in Scottish and yes subject matter isn't something that you'd want your grandmother to see but it's well written, captures your attention and takes you on a wild and very strange ride to a world that is alluring and repulsive at the same time.

1. "Porno" by Irvine Welsh
The sequel to "Trainspotting" catches up with most of the main characters from the first book ten years later and finds them older but hardly wiser. This time the novel follows the structure of a novel with an actual plot: making a porn movie. It's the crass journey of people trying to change their lives and going about in the only way they really know how.

5 Thoughts on Spending Thanksgiving in America

2006-12-04T05:50:59Z

1. Three little words that make me very afraid that America has enough nukes to destroy the world a hundred times over: Country Fried Steak.

2. You know you're in middle america when it's a toss up between Walmart and the football stadium for the title of largest building in town.

3. Fun Black Friday guessing game: Was that picture of violence and destruction shot in Iraq or at a JC Penny door crasher sale?

4. Much like how almost a million people claim to have been at the EX for the first ever Blue Jays game, nobody voted for Bush back in 2004. Did I mention that I was in Ohio?

5. That according to bumper stickers person X's high school football playing son can beat up Person Y's band geek who in turn is cooler than Person Z's Honor Student. YOU get an extra point if you're first thought upon reading that last sentence was "well I hope person X's kid likes women's shoes".

Dear 1996

2006-10-09T01:48:14Z

I've been having strange dreams lately, the kind of half dead, half awake dreams that reside in your head and seem to stick there no matter how hard you try to shake them loose. Finally you forget, then you have another dream connected to the first one and only this time you question if the first dream was real or simply the back story to one you just had. And I am left to alone to wonder: How does one go about having normal dreams, you know the ones where you show up to class in your underwear or you hunt vampires? I'm at a loss here.

And oh by the way I rented the film "Brick" this weekend. Great movie. Go out and see it.

EPL Preview

2006-09-05T03:27:20Z

Ok so the English football season began last month and a thousand other people have already written up their own Premier League previews but well screw them, I want to write my own preview and since this is my blog type thing I can do what I want. Well I can at least pretend that I can do what I want.

So here are the teams of the EPL in no real order:

1. Manchester United: They'll be good. Hell they might win the whole bloody thing and leave everyone eating their dust. But I still hate them. Cheering for them is like rooting for the Empire in Star Wars, only instead of Darth Vader Man U is led by a coach with an ego even larger than the Emperor, Sir Alex Ferguson, who once hit David Beckham with his shoe. However there is one reason to watch them this season: round two between the crazy Wayne Rooney and the annoying Cristiano Ronaldo. Training sessions should be fun.

2. Blackburn Rovers: Funny thing about this club, they might be the only side in England with more thugs on the pitch than in the stands. Must be all those holes in the ground there. Well last year they fought their way up the table and managed to finish in sixth place and a grab a spot in the UEFA Cup. They won't come close to finishing that high this season. This is a squad that should settle into the middle of the pack and stay there.

3. Sheffield United: Welcome back to the Premiership! Don't bother unpacking.

4. Portsmouth: Two big signings this summer: David James and Sol Campbell. I guess they've decided to stop chasing Man U for the Premiership title and start chasing Man City for the title of English football retirement home. If both of their new additions still have something left in the gas tank they should crack the top ten of the table.

5. Fulham: I see them finishing somewhere between 10th and 17th. Why? Because that's where they always seem to finish.

6. Aston Villa: A new owner and a new coach should lift this proud club back to the top of the table in a few years. Having a lot of cash to spend will also help.

7. Middlesbrough: They were a disappointment last season, so they went out and improved their defense. Nothing flashy but it should help them move up from the 16th place result last year.

8. Watford: Once upon a time they were owned by Elton John.... which is really the most interesting fact about this team.

9. Arsenal: The Gunners will be good. That is a given. What remains to be seen is if they can stick with mega spenders Man U and Chelsea at the top of the table or if they'll begin to drop away from the title hunt.

10. Charlton Athletic: Funny thing about the Addicks, while other teams throw around money and find themselves deep in debt (see Leeds United) this East London club spends their money wisely and manages to stay in the top league. Watch for them to shock the world and finish in the middle of the pack again.

11. Manchester City: The Jan Brady of English football, always trying to compete against Man U and always losing. Only they're more fun than Jan Brady with their crazy coach and really nice looking light blue uniforms.

12. Chelsea: I'm not going to say anything bad about them. Not because I like them (far from it) but their shady Russian Bond villian of an owner scares the hell out of me.

13. Wigan Athletic: If newly promoted team shocks the football world by finishing 10th but no one is there to see it, did it really happen?

14. Newcastle United: Think of them as every pro team in Philly: A group of crazy and devoted fans supporting a respectable team with terrible luck. Last season they spent 17 million pounds to get Michael Owen and he hurts his knee during the World Cup and probably won't be back until December if he's lucky. If he comes back as the old Michael Owen this squad should be in the mix for a spot in Europe.

15. Everton: Will the real Everton please stand up? Over the past four years they've finished 7th, 17th, 4th and 11th so you've just got to sit back see what happens.

16. West Ham United: Elijah Wood became a fan of this club after he played a hooligan in the movie "Green Street". Nothing I can say about them can top that.

17. Reading: Hotshot team beat the hell out of everybody to win promotion but will soon realize that there is a huge difference between playing teams such as Luton Town and playing Newcastle at St. James in front of 50 thousand wackos screaming about sodomizing your pet rabbit. They're good enough to stay up but don't expect anything more.

18. Bolton Wanderers: Watching this team is like watching paint dry. They're defensive, boring and tough as hell to beat at home. Mark them down for the middle of the table and hope you don't have to watch too many of their games.

19. Liverpool: Home of Peter "Bambi on Ice" Crouch, the six foot six bean pole who was one of England's best players at the World Cup and who celebrates goals by doing the robot. They should be dancing all the way to the top four of the standings.

20. Tottenham Hotspur: The Spurs finally got back to where they belong, finishing 5th last season behind wild Irish striker Robbie Keane. Now if they can just avoid last season's "Airplane" like food poisoning incident they should challenge for a Champions League spot.

Let's See If I Remember How To Do One of These Things (a lesson on girls)

2005-12-08T07:54:37Z

It's 2:15 in the morning and I am sitting here in front my slightly insane computer with the Dead Kennedys on my discman and I'm not tired because I slept in until 1 in the afternoon today, a fact that should be balanced against the knowledge that I did fall asleep at about 6:30 this morning, this morning being yesterday morning or something like that. Last night and by last night I mean Tuesday night, was Jason's birthday, an event that ended with people asking for my advice on women, however they can be forgiven for that because the people in question were under the influence of a hell of a lot of beer. My luck with women is beyond terrible and thus I might actually be a good person to ask for advice on the subject since based on my personal experiences I can tell them what not to do:

Lesson One: Never confess your feelings for a girl while you're on a whale watching tour on the Atlantic. Now I know what you're thinking "Hey Bernard that's a great place for a guy with the last name of Dawson to hit on a cute girl, it worked in Titanic" but that guy died in end as did my hopes of a relationship when she got sea sick. True story, you think that I could make stuff like that up?

Lesson Two: Pass this one on to all those high school kids out there. You know that skinny, awkward 15 year old girl you strike up a friendship with in class? Ask her out. Trust Me. Before she hits 17 she'll be wicked hot. So if you'll have a great looking g/f who you got together with for all the right reasons (well unless you take my advice then you'll be dating her in the hope that she turns into a prom queen). This happened back in high school. I wish that I had grown some balls and asked her out. Funny side note: A friend of mine who used to make fun of me for liking her and called her a "boy" later asked her out and got shot down.

Lesson Three: Wine. Learn to drink it. Always have a bottle of it at your place.

Lesson Four: Don't overlook her bad points simply because she is a bikini model who was once featured on an episode of Springer about girls with sex addictions. Have some bloody damn self respect for yourself, just because you're a male doesn't mean you have to act like a reject from a bad teen sex comedy.

Lesson Five: If she hates the following films then your relationship is doomed: Sin City, Pulp Fiction, Animal House, Rounders, Fight Club, The Big Lebowski, Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, The Wild Bunch, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Boondock Saints. Those are all "guy" movies and chances are that if she hates all of them then she's going to make sure every movie night you share together will consist on you watching lame romantic comedy after lame romantic comedy. Shudder.

Random Updates

2005-10-14T20:00:48Z

Yesterday Kathy and I debated the topic of Bond girls. She hates them and I love them. I actually made a case that they should be feminist icons (Sexually Liberated before it was "cool" to be so, often held important jobs that were closed to women at the time and many of them have saved Bond's life and helped to complete the mission that he was on).

Hung out with Brian for the first time since I've been back in town. We rented one of those British Neo-Gangster flicks staring a bunch of "that guy(s)" (actors you've seen before in a number of films but can never remember their names) and was on the whole, pretty damn good.

Going down to Mac on Saturday.

Two very, very cute girls in my Political Thought class. They provide a good excuse for going to class, well a better excuse that reading the works of Plato. I know that the Greeks are important to our current views of philosophy and the like, however I always find myself bored by their dogmatic political ideals. Well at least I'll get to read the prince for that class.

Coming to Grips with Things

2005-09-19T02:31:03Z

It was the bummer of a keg party that got me thinking, well not really but it was the keg party that focused some of the thoughts I had been having over the past little while and allowed me to engage with those mixed up ideas in any sort of meaningful way. The keg party in itself was not a keg party, it was a lame party that happened to include a keg of warm beer and a pair of student bands who ended up with $600 in fines from the City of Waterloo. Well I got word of this get together from a good friend, who got word from a mutual "friend" who happened to live at the house where this was all going to take place. Needless to say she was a terrible host and Jason, the good friend who went along with me was pretty pissed off at being basically ignored by the person who invited us to this thing.

We walked back to my house and got into a conversation about the difference between friends and "friends", both of us agreeing that "friends" ("friends" being defined as fair weathered people who are only looking out for themselves and really don't care about you) really suck. Well I guess that is pretty much just stating the facts as they are agreed on but you would be shocked at the number of "friends" there are in the world.

I was reminded of a time when back in the bad old days (which were really good)....... that I'm not going to go into right now. Well let's just say I went all out for a "friend" and well it wasn't worth it. Far from worth it. They're are very few girls worth getting sick over and this was not one of them.

I had another strange dream Friday night, it didn't make much sense to me but then again I've never been the best person and finding meaning in things. I need to stop dreaming about girls and start dreaming about fighting zombies again, those dreams are much easier to sort out in the morning.

Oh My God the Dead Have Risen and are Voting Democrat!

2005-09-02T04:42:07Z

Is it just me or does music suck these days? I happened to flip on MuchMusic the other day and I was shocked, yes shocked I tell you, to find that the beloved music station of my youth had become a haven for annoying pop tart wannabe celebrities acting like they are so cool simply because they are a VJ. These gurus of cool are surrounded a legion of nice looking teens seemingly rented from "trendy" shops of Queen Street west whose mission in this plain of existence seems to be nothing more than cheering like moron whenever Avril, Good Charlotte or Usher is in the building getting their asses kissed by every station employee in sight. And if it seems like I'm going off on rant here, trust me I have a point.

And you know what group is just as bad as the MuchMusic crowd? The Leftist movement. Yes that is right, I'm calling out all the Left wing. Here are my issues with the left:

1. Grow a set of balls: Why is it that there are so many right wingers out there with their own newspaper columns, radio shows, books and hell, networks? Because in battle between reasonable people and nutcases, the nutcases take the fight to anyone who disagrees with them. Disagree with Rush or Ann Coulter and your e-mail inbox will soon fill up with mail from every yahoo with a radio, yet the left never takes the fight to these right wing fire brands. Bill O'Reilly threatened to hurt the son of a 9/11 victim because the guest was upset Bush had used his parent's death as an excuse to go to war and what happened, the left said that Bill is not a nice man. What should have happened is the next left winger on his show should have told Bill that if he doesn't stop being an asshole, he or she will take him out back and beat the crap out of him.

Why do that you ask? Well because these neocon mouth pieces are cowards who love to send someone else's sons off to fight in the ways they promote, yet they've never served in the military. They're bullies, and they scream at guests who disagree with them on their distasteful programs because no one ever stands up to them. These people know they are political hacks and liars, so calling them political hacks and liars doesn't accomplish much, you've got fight fire with fire, not with polite op-ed columns.

2. Develop your own beliefs: Say it with me now, "It is ok to disagree with Noam Chomsky." Now say it again and again and again and again. Remember it is the right wing that is suppose to blindly follow their leaders, not the left wing. It is not enough to simply question the government, one must also look at their own views on the world and develop those views themselves rather than just accepting the principals of someone else as your own.

For example, I still consider myself a "left leaning" person yet I believe in the death penalty. I have major issues with how it is being used in the US (where it's application seems based more on the defendant's wealth, status and sadly colour than the crime) but I still think it is a valid option in some cases. However I have yet to be offered a show on Fox News nor do I have a strong urge to movie to Texas. See having some views that differ from what other "left" wing people generally believe won't hurt you, in fact it means that you're thinking for yourself.

3. Sports and Religion are ok: The 700 Club, Bob Jones University, The Moral Majority, Bin Laden and other people who take religion far too seriously are the problem, not religion.

As for sports, well there is nothing wrong with enjoying an afternoon at the ballpark or watching the game on TV. And even if you don't happen to enjoy sports, that guy from Alabama you're trying to get to vote democrat loves his college football but won't love you when you look down upon him simply because of how he spends his Saturdays. You cannot simply dismiss another person because their hobbies are different from yours.

4. Last but not least: Stop the intellectual circle jerking. If you want to change the world or even your world, stop acting like you're god's gift to modern politics, you're not. It's nice that you're in an Arts program, that you use big words and you've won some kind of political appointment, but you're never going accomplish anything if you just sit around with the same group of people all day and agree on everything you say. The Right has become the big tent movement, they don't care how you look, how you dress or even who you are, as long as you hold the same ideas as they do and watch Fox News, they love you. If the left is going to ever going to get anywhere, it needs to stop treating people like dirt because they eat meat, haven't read No Logo or *gasp* might own stuff from the Gap.

Updates and such

2005-08-30T20:11:38Z

Top Ten Things that have Prevented me from Updating my Blog:

10. Too busy driving around Scarborough with Blondie pounding from my car stereo system.

9. Too busy trying to find a pair of sun glasses that would allow me to see the hidden messages in advertising, just like in that movie with Roddy Piper.

8. I don't want to say too much but trust me, ether's a hell of a drug.

7. I wanted to be the first person on my block to own Hilary Duff's greatest hits album.

6. Have to keep the dog sane now that my dad is playing the Beegees 24/7.

5. Merle Haggard.

4. Thinking up lame top 10 lists is really hard you know, I have must more respect for David Letterman's staff now, I mean it must be tough to do this every day for a living.

3. Lack of Sleep.

2. Too much sleep.

1. Just Face it: I didn't want to update my blog.

The Ghosts of Kingston road

2005-07-25T19:53:31Z

They had a pair of fire trucks blocking Kingston road both ways at the Markham road intersection. The results of an accident which had taken place not twenty minutes before were in plain sight as I turned north on Markham road to avoid the mess. It was a serious accident, a real scene of the city, I learn latter that someone died inside of the wreck that sat tomblike in the middle of the intersection. Paramedics moved around the broken parts of cars and Harleys, attending to the lesser broken bodies that were not raced to Scarborough General.

I know that hospital, I was born there. On my right is the rink where I learned to skate, on my left is the Church were I was Baptized. Next to that is one of my former elementary schools, I attended six, I have good memories of three, three are located on or just off Kingston road, I have good memories of two of them.

There was a full moon out that night, I always take Kingston road to work, I always drive by Markham road, my doctor's office is on the southwest corner of intersection. I wonder if the ghost of the person that died here will haunt this intersection, will I observe a lonesome spirit one night as a drive by on my way to work or to the doctor's? Some memory of what happened, a memory similar to the memories I have of the places surrounding where it happened. Or will it be haunted because everytime I drive past that point I'll remember that someone died there?

Strange things happen in the city under the full moon. Hell strange things happen in the city under any moon.

Sometimes the Movie might be better than the book

2005-07-16T23:36:24Z

One of the good things about my job is that it gives me a chance to do some reading during the summer. When I last updated this LJ I wrote about waiting for "On the Beach", well I got it and finished it in three nights: It was good but really depressing. The novel is the story of what happens after WW3, North America, most of Asia and Europe have been destroyed and the fall out from all the bombs used is slowly moving south, killing off the remaining population of the world with radiation poisoning. A mix bag of survivors live in Melbourne and try to live out the last months of their lives as normally as they can. However just like in the bible, everyone dies at the end.

But this blog isn't about "On the Beach", it's about "Fight Club", which I read for the second time this past week. And you know what, I didn't really like it all that much, in fact I think that the film version, starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton was far better than the book. The thing is that some works of fiction just translate better when you see them rather than when you read them. "Fight Club" just works better as a film when the director is allowed to play with the viewer's mind in such a way that when we finally learn what is up with the main character, we remember all the clues he placed in the film, little clips that might have caught our attention. For example in the film version Brad Pitt appears for a few seconds three or four times in the background before his character makes his first real appearence. So basically the director is able to use a "where's waldo" type of image in order to set a certain tone and mood for the film without leaving the main story, something that isn't really possible in written fiction.

Also the end of the film version is much better than the ending of the book. Even the author of the book agrees with that.

Wow the Rolling Stones were right...... or maybe not

2005-07-06T22:59:11Z

I was out for a bit yesterday and didn't feeling like going back home before work so I took a nice, relax drive down Kingston Road (highway 2) and ended up at the Chapters in Ajax just before it closed. I decided to just go around and look for books that I've had on my reading list for awhile but never picked up. I suddenly remember that about four (or was it five) years ago (man I feel old now) a girl I knew recommended "On The Beach", so I said WTF and typed the title into those annoying computers every Chapters store seems to have.

Well the box said that the store had one copy, so I went off to the fiction section and began to search for it. Well to make a long story short the stupid computer was lying because I never found that one "in-store" copy. However I was able to order the book, due of course to the magic of the internet, and soon, in the next 2 to 20 days my already paid for copy of "On The Beach" will be waiting for me in Ajax.

Fear and Loathing at the NBA Draft

2005-07-05T15:30:26Z

Note: The following entry came from a tape found by yours truly somewhere in downtown Toronto. The voice on said tape sounds a hell of a lot like Toronto Raptors General Manager Rob Babcock. Here it is:

The drugs kicked in mere moments after we were able to cross the boarder into the Land of the Free and the home of the Bush, which come to think of it was a good thing since trying to talk our way past an alert US customs official with delusions of being the first line of defense against terrorists, liberals and homosexuals is a hell of a lot tougher after the kick of drinking the water from Hamilton hits you. Over a hundred years of dumped chemicals hit the body in a rush that prevents blood from entering the brain, an effect that soon leads the helpless drug addict to vomit like a Mormon after a night out with Lindsey Lohan.

Lucky for me Sam was driving the topless 2005 Beetle convertible as I leaned out and threw up the box of timbits Sam and I had shared for breakfast, however my eyes were caught by some shiny flashing lights and for a few seconds I was back in the Vegas strip club where I first saw Richard Peddie getting a lap dance from two 15 year old junkies and cross dresser. I was lucky then, I took a few pictures and what do you know blackmail does work, I think to myself, I am an NBA General Manager. Then I throw up again.

The pretty lights turn out to be from a police hummer, out of which steps the biggest pig Sam and I have ever seen, 7 feet 2 inches and 300 pounds of pork. With Steel City drinking water running through my veins I knew that I had to let Sam do most of the talking, which was good since I hired Sam because he could relate to today's player, which should be an asset when pulled over by Shaq. Or wait did I hire him because I was on ether and thought that he was Shaft?

Shaq: I think your friend is having some problems, you might want to take him to see a doctor.

Sam Mitchell: He's fine, the throwing up is just natural reaction to watching the highlights from last year's Lakers.

Shaq: Well Kobe makes me want to throw up too. Just make sure he doesn't watch too much of Mark Madsen's dancing, that's enough to make anyone sick.

Shaq let us go with a warning, which I guess Sam didn't care for as he began to put back NyQuil like baseball player popping steroids before the Home Run Derby.
"I see him."
"Who?"
"Vince, FUCKING VINCE CARTER."
"Sam there is no one on the road." *sounds of tires screeching*
"Jesus Sam you're going to get us killed and we have the 7th pick!"
"I hate you Vince Carter." *more sounds of tires screeching*

I finally have regained control of Sam, who is now tied up and sitting in the back seat muttering about Vince Carter. I need to make a decision about who to draft, you see we've got the 7th overall pick and I need to top last year's selection. You see nobody cares about the Raptors, so we need to be either really, really good with our picks or really, really stupid, ah fuck it I'll just go on an ether binge and let the chips fall where they may.

*Sound of the Rolling Stones' Jumping Jack Flash in the back ground. Also a man can be heard ranting about Vince Carter*

Why my blog has been lacking updates

2005-07-05T13:57:41Z

I just wanted a chance to explain why I haven't been the world's greatest blogger the past few (re: six) months: I've seemed to lack both the creative drive to write and the pissed off attitude that seemed to drive me whenever I wasn't trying to actually write interesting stuff on my blog. See I'm being honest with myself, I could have taken Jake Blues' speech containing all the reasons why he missed his own wedding but I said no, I'm going to tell the truth.

So what have I been up to these past few months:

Work.

I got a cellphone.

Looking at cars for my mom.

More Work.

Sleep.

Bought a couple of new DVDs.

Watched most of the new DVDs.

That is all.

Well I shall try to update this thing more often than I have been doing so remember to check in every once in awhile. I promise you won't be disappointed. Unless you don't like some of the stuff I'm thinking about writing, then you might be disappointed.

The Pillow and the Fortune Cookie Fight over my Soul

2005-06-20T20:29:19Z

Last night I had a dream, a strange dream, one of those great and horrible dreams which lead to pillows tossed around the room and a perfect awareness of life upon waking up. It was like being on LSD, if being on LSD feels like LSD and one happened to be aware of the message the gods of sleep were trying to convey to me.

My dream featured a girl and a car. We drove the streets of a city at night like some sort of Gonzo wreaking crew as we looked for a place to park and begin a two person orgy, her begging me to kiss her again and breathing deep and hard and asking me to preform sexual acts on her, of which toe sucking and spanking are the only ones I can mention here for fear of causing less open minded readers to flip out, move to the United States and begin voting Republican.

At this point we pulled over to Best Buy to pick up a pair of female hitchhikers, who once inside the car began to change into the first girl's best friends. At this point the two evil fiends dragged me from the car, screaming that I wasn't good enough for their friend as she was forced to watch from the nearest sidewalk, protesting that she really loved me or at least wanted to sleep with me. The she-wolves reentered the car and it transformed into a van, a real honest to god 80's style van, the massive bastard brother of today's suburban street loving, family friendly mini-van. At this point the evil van blasted towards me, speeding like a horror film killer after a group of drunken, horny teenagers.

It was at this critical point that I found myself spread out over all the corners of my bed, one pillow on the floor and with the very real thought that there was a message to this strange dream, a message far more profound that not picking up hitchhikers when looking for a place to engage in sexual activities. The idea that I was never to find true love.

If you're going to enter the land of Fear and Loathing there are few better places than an all you can eat Chinese Buffet in the Durham region, a combo that mixes the evils of suburbia with excellent chicken balls and other asian dishes that probably could not be found in asia. I was still slightly depressed from the revelation earlier in the day when I suddenly found a cookie in front of me, calling me name. It contained a secret message from a group of rebels working to save my soul from the evil beings who wish to me never to know love. It proclaimed "He Who Has Hope, Has Everything." La Resistance lives on, but I must be on guard as the evil love hating beings can take many forms. From now on you must all trust no one except the shadow resistance.

Back on the Chain Gang

2005-05-24T19:35:47Z

Well it seems that I'm back for another summer at the TTC, a summer that will leave me thinking again of time. Einstein once said of relativity "When you are courting a pretty girl, an hour seems like a second. When you are sitting on a red hot poker, a second seems like an hour. That is relativity." I can understand what he was saying, having spent my share of time on the trail of pretty girls and working in jobs where the clock seems to being going backwards.

My old partner from the night shift last summer, the future lawyer from U of T who said he'd kill his own son if his son was gay, is gone. My fellow summer student is an 18 year old just finishing high school. Makes me think back to when I was 18..... I turned 18 in the front seat of my friend Ron's truck, the girl I thought I loved sat between us and leaned close to me. We went to Playdium and Hooters for my 18th birthday, well it was my last day as a 17 year old. Ron was driving us back to where I had parked my car when the clock hit midnight. Part of me trembled and I was praying to God for just one kiss, one simple brush of her lips against my cheek, my mouth, my forehead.... anywhere. She never kissed me. I was nothing more than a friend and later events convinced me that I was being used. I always fall for the wrong girls.

I feel for the wrong type of girl last summer. The few people reading this probably have a good idea about some of that sad story. But I've learned my lesson from that whole experience, always make sure that when you fall for someone you're really falling for them not who they appear to be. I learned that lesson about 5 years too late.

Well back to thinking about work. Another summer back on the chain gang.

Things I've Learned

2005-04-12T20:47:49Z

As Nirvana once sang, "Spring is here again", a simple observation made meaningful by the end of another long and brutal winter, a changed signaled by the start of baseball season and the way daylight creeps deeper into the time of the evening that has been blacked out for months. Daylight's counterattack, which is what I shall call it, makes part of me wish that winter will stay away forever this time. The freedom to walk the streets of Montreal without worrying about frostbite or the ability to walk to Carleton from Sgt. John's house and not get caught in the snow. It won't happen. Winter will be here again. But then again so will Spring.

I've learned some things these past few months, which I will now share with you.

A good friend and a good attitude can make even the most screwed up debating tournaments feel like heaven.

When you fill out your list of great friends, make sure to include a physics major, for science geeks they're not bad people and they can explain Star Trek to you.

It doesn't matter if you're good or bad, what really matters is if you've got the gun or not.

Never lend your favorite books to people. You'll never get them back and have to buy a new copy of it, which sucks because every time you read the new copy, you'll remember that the old copy, which was special to you for reasons only you understand, was never returned. This has happened to me twice now. Both times it was women taking the books, but since I'm not sexist I used the gender neutral "people".

You can't fight the system, you can only join it or launch a completely ineffective hit and run campaign, which mainly consists of running. But if you're running, at least you haven't sold out yet.

If something makes you feel depressed and lonely, stop doing it. Notice that I didn't attend the WLUSP End of Year dinner this time, see I'm finally taking my own advice and stayed away from the people who keep knifing me in the back and treating my like dirt.

In a bubble round, running the Friday case might get you a few laughs but you sure as hell won't break. But it's still fun.

Know who to hold grudges against and who not to. Some people didn't mean to hurt you, some did. Some hurt you and didn't even bat an eyelash. Those are the bastards to remember.

And last but not least:

Be true to yourself.

Sitting at home

2005-03-19T05:26:24Z

I hate being sick. Got some tests done a week ago, results should be in, health services said they'd call right away if anything was really wrong. Guess it wasn't anything too serious.

I want to be a punk rocker. After listening to Lou Reed's "Waiting for the Man" I realized that I can probably be a punk rocker too. I get pissed off about a lot of things and can probably write some good music. I can't be any worse than Journey.

I miss people. Well not all people, or most people. But some people. A few people.

Strange Things that Happened to me in the last 5 minutes

2005-02-14T20:02:21Z

I was walking past the Hall of Fame when suddenly a girl who was sitting behind one of the booths walked out in front of me and asked if I was that "Friend of Tudor's who was in the play?" I said yes. She never gave me her name or anything. Strange.

When I was signing into the computer I am currently typing this on the two girls next to me began talking about what their boyfriends had gotten them for Valentine's Day. Seriously. Wow I thought that University students had pretty much agreed that the day was a huge load of B.S. Guess some people never got that memo or something.

Bottom Bracket (random fiction)

2005-02-11T07:11:49Z

*note: Just some random fiction I've had in my head for awhile, it's based on debating so please feel free to call me a dork. Yes there will be more to come and please don't freak if the story jumps around a bit.*

If I were a pretentious person I'd begin by calling this particular night crisp and cold, but as a man or boy who likes to cut to the chase I'd call this Friday night fucking freezing. The kind of winter night that makes you cab every distance longer than two blocks in the fear that any prolonged stroll will result in the loss of fingers, toes or other appendages held in high regard by the average male university student. Cities don't get any better than Montreal but a January cold snap can force even the hardy and the dumb to bruise their own ego and stay inside.

"You know when you said 'smoked meat' I thought you were making a really terrible pass at me." Alexa says with a impish smile as she picks up a potato chip and presses it into her mouth. "But I have to say, I am a convert to the religion of Montreal Smoked Meat." She smiles again and brushes a few wayward strands of red hair from her face.
"I make a point of visiting this place every time I'm in town." It's pretty damn obvious to everyone in this all night deli that I am madly in love with this model of female perfection who I've know for all of maybe 3 hours now. "I don't trust smoked meat outside of the city limits of Montreal, I mean if I'm ever in Nebraska I am not going to order New England Clam Chowder, no offense to Nebraska but what do corn farmers know about Clam Chowder?"

I'm trying to hard and probably making an ass out of myself but she gives my ramblings a genuine laugh, so genuine that she almost knocks over her coke. "Well it is a good thing I am not from Nebraska, because if I were I would be tempted to kick you in the shin right now." She finishes her sentence by playing sticking out her tongue at me. "I have something to say." she stirs her coke with her straw and looks me right in the eye. "I think I like you." what the hell, this doesn't usually happen. "Every other conversation I've had tonight has revolved around debating, who did you hit?, are you up two or down two? all the usual debating tournament crap. I hate having the same conversation with five different people all of whom are capable of a true, honest to god, intellectual chat."

We just sat there for about a minute before I reopened the conversation. "Remember these people are debaters, they might be able to have a real conversation, but they will probably disagree with everything you have to say." I smile at my own witty observation, she does the same.
"Your probably right, maybe it is better to just find the one other person like me and grab on to them." I take another bite of my smoked meat sandwich and wonder if luck is finally on my side after years of dreaming of meeting a girl half as great as Alexa. Plus John and I are up two after one day, a clear indication when combined with Alexa that the world is probably coming to an end.

*Remember please that this is a work in progress*

Sometimes I just don't get it

2005-02-07T07:11:01Z

Life seems a lot easier to understand when your buzzed and walking the campus of an Ivy League university at 3 am. You've just left a debating house party where you two fisted free bad american beer, met all sorts of interesting people and managed to hold the booze well enough that you can remember the name of the last person you met before leaving (her name was Crackers and she was from Buffalo). Everything seems so simple. The world just consists of you, your friends, the cold night air and the piece of cheese pizza you got from the pizza joint full of people returning from the same party you were just at.

When you and your debating partner get back to the four star hotel, on campus none the less, let it never be said that the Cornell School of Hotel Administration is second rate. Hell our rooms would have cost $200 US a night if we weren't there for debating. Well when you get back to the hotel, a pair of cool girls from a Liberal Arts College somewhere in New England invite you up to hang out in their room, offering you more free booze in return for your company. You and your debating partner arrive at their room and find it packed with more really awesome people, some of whom you've met earlier in the night and some you're meeting for the first time.

You crawl into bed on the far side of 4:30 in the morning and when you wake up, you are amazed to find that you don't even have a hang over. You shower, get dressed up nice and head off. Pretty simple. No cliques, no bull shit, just good people interested in meeting other good people. Intellectual elites at their own universities, a lost generation that knows it that it is lost.

Returning to campus always sucks. Returning to a glorified High School in the middle of an election is even worse. University politics is the pure opposite of debating. University politics is a group of "smart" people in Green shirts cheering and screaming like children whenever their candidate insults someone of the opposite viewpoint or dodges another question. I like being around elections, it's fun to watch everyone take everything so seriously. Some things in this election I did take seriously, but I still think the whole thing is funny.

This weekend you're in Fringe. Your play is the one drama among an uncounted (by me at least) number of comedies, your play has something serious to say. Other plays were good. Your friends are the only ones who seem to like your play, or think that you did a good job in your role. Oh well. You go to the Fringe after party, you don't really like the vibe of the place but you're sitting between Tudor and Mark, a good guy and great actor who was in the same play as you. The night goes on and Tudor begins to hold hands with the girl sitting next to him.

A really loud girl has an annoying voice and is saying some of the dumbest things you've ever heard. You're at a house party 250 miles away from the one you were at last friday night, yet that past is light years away. If this were a movie you could click your heels and go back in time to where you want to be, two fisting free beer and talking to people you have something in common with. Other than the few people you consider friends at this party, nobody cares to talk to you, let alone even say hello. Forget meeting random cool people at 3 am and being invited to hang out with them.

A couple of events happened during the week that left you feeling pretty depressed and sad for some great people. This party makes you feel even worse than you were feeling before. You want to go back to last weekend when things made sense and two great people, one of them an amazing close friend who has always been there for you, were still happy. What a shitty week.

Updates

2005-01-24T19:18:12Z

Montreal was a blast. I almost fucking froze my balls off (average temp was about -30)but Christine and I went 3 and 3(the .500 record tying the mark for best Laurier record in my time in the club, set by Tudor and me last year), including one slap down of a couple of yanks from an elite Liberal Arts college in New England. How's that for funny, two people are spending over $30,000 each a year on school and they get dominated in a debate by a first year BBA student and a white boy from Scarborough.

Looking forward to Cornell this coming weekend.

I was reading some of the platforms on CL today and something hit me: Who the heck are all these people? I'll be voting for maybe 4 people this election and the rest..... well some of them will end up in important positions. Be Afraid, be very Afraid.

Oh yeah someone want to channel up Nixon and inform him that the CRO has ripped off his ideas on "Law and Order".

The Importance of Being Human

2005-01-14T23:00:17Z

I was checking my friend's list when I came across the newest entry from Tudor, an excellent and thought provoking examination of blog culture and the idea that a person can lose control of some part of themselves by the simple act of others reading their blog. Now that is an idea which I disagree with. Ok this is the point where anyone who is reading this, and as probably the least read blog on the internet there are not many of you, begins to think how a guy who has described everything from his failures with women to his problems with student corporations can possibly disagree with this idea.

It's simple: No matter how many blogs I write, or what I write in them, none of you will ever really "know" me. Sure I tell you about the events of my life or about my feelings but you're not me and therefore you'll never be able to capture what that event or feeling meant to me. Your own mind will put its own spin on the words you are reading because words, as objective as they are suppose to be, have a deeper meaning to all of us. Don't believe me? Think of the word "shoes" and form an image in your mind. Now ask someone else to do the same. Both of your concepts of "shoes" are different. Maybe one of you sees sneakers, while the other thinks of work boots, or you're thinking of high heels and they've got good old Nikes on the brain.

The thing is every blog entry is like a written first impression, you read it and make a snap judgment of the writer. He/She is a great person, a bad person, very smart, really dumb or whatever, but you are making a personal judgment. It's like reading the first chapter of a book and then trying to guess the ending, you know a some of the information but your still making a call utterly dependant on your own interpretation of the material.

Now I can why someone might assume that part of themselves has been "consumed" by others. If you've ever read a blog and even thought something about the author, no matter how small a thought it was, you've done this. Which means that everyone who has ever read a blog is "guilty". But what is being "consumed"?

Example: Last year, my blog does a blog piece that got people so up in arms. A person I had never even met out in the "real" world commented and managed to say a lot of insulting things about me, missing my aim for the piece completely and giving their own meaning on what I had written, then commenting on that.

What each of us put on our blogs is the mere tip of the iceberg of who we really are and in the end it depends on us. At the end of the day my blog is simply words on a screen, the toenail clippings of my mind. Anyone reading this is merely looking my toenail clippings, not me. It's the same of all of us, we really don't know the first thing about each other from reading mere words, unless mere words is all you allow yourself to be.

I was going to say something, but then I forgot it

2005-01-13T21:40:25Z

Honest.

Some Great Quotes

2005-01-06T21:16:15Z

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." Charlie Brown
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." Friedrich Nietzsche
"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." H. L. Mencken
"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." Dag Hammarskjold

Now some gems from Dan Quayle:
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
"We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward."
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

Now let's stop making fun of dumb people and look at some more interesting quotes:
"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?" Steven Wright
"Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world which yields most painfully to change." Robert F. Kennedy
"The problem of power is how to achieve its responsible use rather than its irresponsible and indulgent use - of how to get men of power to live for the public rather than off the public." Robert F. Kennedy
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations." David Friedman
"Crime does not pay ... as well as politics." Alfred E. Newman